Over the years I've learned to listen more. I've learned to listen to others more intently and be more present and focused. Most importantly... I've learned to give MYSELF the same attention when listening to what my gut and intuition are telling me.

I've learned that my woman's intuition is correct 90% of the time and that the remaining 10% is usually poor communication that I could have fixed by simply asking a question or two.

I don't like ambiguity. I don't like miscommunication (really just a polite way of saying NO communication). I prefer honesty, integrity, and CLARITY.

When it comes to boundaries within a relationship this becomes even more important.

Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way. If I watch my own patterns... the "nice girl" in me... the above and beyond kind one... she gives people LOTS of leeway. She makes up all sorts of reasons why it's ok they just did or said such and such. I over extend ... I offer up heaps of grace.

How kind? To them maybe... but not to myself!

In the process... inevitably... I compromise my own boundaries. I allow things, words, interactions that just don't sit right. While I can hang my hat on whatever excuse I've created to justify the poor behavior... It doesn't feel good.

The friendship is then tainted. This person now thinks this behavior is acceptable. They then think that continuing like this will work for me. Except... it doesn't.

I'm sitting there harboring ill will and resentment... while they are just fine... completely unaware there is a problem. The entire relationship is now uncomfortable... blurred and fuzzy boundaries everywhere... which calls the entire friendship into question.

OR

I can honor my truth... my gut... my intuition... my knowing. I can ask for the the things, words, and interactions that serve US and our friendship.

If it doesn't feel good... if it doesn't feel right... don't do it. Making excuses for why it went down that way will only "work" temporarily and will create more challenges in the long run.

Honesty is the best policy. Be clear about what works for you... what behavior is ok... and what is not. Give them the opportunity to honor you you and your friendship by not trampling on your boundaries...So that you can surround yourself with those that love, honor and cherish you in a way that feels good.