I'll never forget it...

I was at an event... and the speaker was making a point about the difference between men and women when it comes to our feelings of safety and security.

He asked the men the last time they felt unsafe... that their personal security was in jeopardy. Within the last 12 hours... no hands
Within the last 24... no hands
Within the 48... no hands
At 3 days only a few hands in a crowd of over 5000 went up.

Then he asked the women the same question... when was the last time they felt unsafe... that their personal security was in jeopardy.
Just like with the men he asked...
Within the last 12 hours?

Hands flew up in the air. It felt like over half the room.

The last 8 hours?
Only a few hands went down.

The last 3 hours?
A few more went down.

He didn't go any further... he didn't need to.

As a woman... I get it.
There are perceived threats everywhere.

A man might not understand as he likely doesn't come up against another person that is bigger and stronger in the street and feel he needs to evaluate his safety.

And yes... I know plenty of women that can kick some ass... myself included.

And still...

It doesn't take a physical act of any kind to perceive a threat. Sometimes a look that lingers a little too long... especially when accompanied by wiping sweaty palms or a smirk.. at a primal level it feels like imminent aggression... flight or flight kicks in... even if we're trying to hide it with a smile.

What about something more overt... the look that lasts a little too long in addition to an unwelcome overt sexual innuendo or gesture. MEGA flight or flight!!

Or something as simple as a man walking down my side of the street when nobody else is around. Instinctively my spidey senses go up and I cross the street. Then I keep my eyes and ears peeled to stay aware of where he went.

All of these men may have been the most kind compassionate men on the planet... and...
All of these men could have been worse than I could possibly imagine.

So what's a woman to do?

First... know that you're not alone. You're not crazy. Other women experience it too.

Second... BOUNDARIES
Flash a look of disapproval or disgust and he'll get the point.

Taking a step back... crossing the street... creating physical space is a sure sign that you're uncomfortable or that the advance is unwelcome.

Third... Self-Care/Fill Your Cups
Taking care of yourself helps you process the tension these situations can create. It also gives you the strength to handle these things like the cool, classy lady you are.

Before I go...
to the AMAZING men out there...
the ones that love, respect and adore women... The ones that would never intentionally make us uncomfortable... and would do ANYTHING to protect us...

in case nobody has ever said it...

THANK YOU. You are our heroes.